I apologize for not telling you my halo was cut from paper...

I know Fall Out Boy have about zero street credit, but I don't give a spit (I'm trying to cut back on my cursing. forgive all the corniness). I am so bummed that they broke up. I literally thougth they would stay together forever, despite their differences. You know, like stay together for us lifer fans who have never been afraid to proclaim their love for them despite the fact that the media has morphed them into this teenage trend of a band. And I'm expected to just dispose of my love and loyalty to them because they're not what's cool anymore.
f that in the a hole.

I know it seems silly to be so sad over a band break up, but I literally feel like crying forever. I feel like my best friend from 8th grade that I don't even talk to anymore just died or something. That's a terrible analogy but I can't think of a better one.

When I was 15, Fall Out Boy was my life. I am not even kidding you. I would wake up at 6 in the morning just to see their new music video premiere on MTV (god I can't believe I was that serious). That's all my friends and I would talk about. Fall Out boy this, Fall Out Boy that. I was reading my old journal the other day. It's terrible all the Fall Out Boy references I made. And even terrible that despite how small and subtle they are, I still recognize everyone of them. I wrote an entire entry on my complete devotion to Peter Wents. How I loved him and all (shut up, I was like 14) and how beautiful our wedding was going to be (I said shut up). I was quite the lame if you hadn't picked up on that.


But despite my obsessive attraction to Peter Wentz (I used to think I was cool because I would call him Peter rather than just Pete like everyone else), Fall Out Boy really changed the way I listened to and loved music. They inspired me to dig deeper than the surface of a song. To appreciate more than it's hook or catchy chorus, but to really listen to the song. To listen to the words and feel what whoever wrote it was feeling. To empathize with and to relate to what that person was going through even if you had no idea what it would be like.

I know it sounds so stupid. To be so attached to a band that I really don't even listen to or relate with that much anymore. But the thing is, I did. I once did so much. I was so passionate about Fall Out Boy. I was so sad when they got huge because I knew people wouldn't appreciate them like I did. I knew they would be so quick to bash their music and that Pete Wentz would become uber (I hate that word, but I can't think of one more fitting) famous. I felt like everyone was finding out my secret, that I kept written on a crumpled up piece of paper, securely tucked away into my butt pocket. Maybe it fell out or something.

(digression alert) But when I first started listening to them I honestly thought they would be a band who would stay together until they all died. I honest to God thought that. I promised myself that I would buy every album they ever put out as a tribute to what they once (and still do) meant to me. And even though I didn't technically buy their latest one, I own it and the second I heard it I knew that they were going to eventually break up. [I know all good bands eventually start to suck (i.e. U2, good God they suck now, but they were so great) but I could really feel, like literally FEEL that they didn't have the same vision they used to.] I just didn't expect it for at least another five or six years.

I feel so stupid for feeling this way. Really, I do. I can't help it though and I'm not going to pretend it doesn't hurt me. It sucks, I felt like every line of every song in FUCT was written directly for me. It helped me through a really dark period in my life. That album really did save me from a lot of misery, I'm not even kidding. It really did. I call it my "Fall Out Boy phase", I really do. That 13-16 year old sad little Stephanie that had nothing to relate to and nobody to talk to because everyone in my life at that time was so closed off and hell bent on avoiding my emotions. I felt like they were there for me. I know it's so stupid to feel like that. But their music was there for me when nothing else was.

Who knows, maybe they'll pull a Blink 182, and get back together after 6 years of hating eachother.

I really hope so.

"Crowds are won and lost and won again, but our hearts beat for the diehards..."

Always will be.