Christmas always makes me feel really happy. But this Christmas is different. It's the first Christmas I won't see my grampa. I never thought I'd be this sad over losing a grandparent. Years of misguided direction led me to believe that I would somehow be better equipped to handle the pain of the loss of a grandparent. I thought that because they were older it would hurt less. It hurts even worse to think of how my gramma will be all by herself after losing the love of her life. I don't want her to feel alone.
I've always been to sentimental. Little things trigger such huge emotions from me. I'm such a creature of habit. I hate how I am, but I would be sad being anyone else. I guess I like my life. I just wish I could focus less on things that make me sad.
"as i drown in lakes of fire, i will call your name as i expire"
I promise my next blog will be a happy one.
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