...do you stop hating yourself?
1. Girls with cameras who think they're photographers
2. When people have obnoxious signatures at the end of their text messages i.e.: ~UnOeuLUVme~
3. When people talk about something that is cool so much, that it is no longer cool.
4. When people who have just discovered music start liking bands that I've liked for years.
5. When facebook changes
6. Snow. And when everyone updates/ post pictures on facebook about the snow. It is unnecessary.
7. Men/ women who obsess over football. I couldn't give a lesser shxt about football.
8. Elitism/ dismissive behavior.
9. When people talk about how great Barack Obama is. (and I realize this sounds close-minded and opinionated, but I've done my research and the only thing I've concluded from it is: I don't like him one bit.)
10. People who talk about how they do drugs/ drink alcohol all the time. OH YOU'RE SO COOL!
11. When couples find it necessary to post pictures of themselves sucking eachothers' face off on facebook. It disgusts me when I'm doing my daily lurk, people.
12. When girls find it necessary to post 8oo pictures of themselves in bikinis and try to justify it by saying "all grown up now."
13. When bands I liked before anyone else did get super famous.
14. When someone thinks they're too good to like a band just because they're super famous. (and I realize this sounds contradictory to my previous statement. but i don't stop liking a band because they're famous. it just feels like everyone is finding out my secret.)
15. WHEN TEGAN AND SARA COME TO VIRGINIA, BUT OH NO NOT TO THE NORVA, BUT THE NATIONAL AND DECIDE TO CHARGE 32 DOLLARS A TICKET, THAT I WOULD OH SO WILLINGLY PAY, IF THEY CAME TO THE NORVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry, caps lock moment.
16. When people assume I'm a lesbian because Tegan and Sara are one of my favorte bands.
17. When people have conversations through comments on somebody's facebook status.
18. When people talk about how rad their shxtty band is.
19. The fact that Radiohead was mentioned on Hannah Montana
20. The fact that I know that Radiohead was mentioned on Hannah Montana.
21. Phonies and liars
22. People that walk really slowly.
23. People that chew really loudly.
24. "Musicians" who don't even write their lyrics/ music. (This includes about every Disney star)
25. When people who can't read sarcasm take me seriously. When you ask me what I'm doing and I say killing people, I'm usually being sarcastic....usually.
26. How people think vampires are better than zombies. flesh eaters 4 lyf.
27. When people think it's necessary to enforce into people's minds how great they are by always talking about how great they are.
28. When people say "gay" or "retarded" to insult someone.
29. When someone calls me "baby". My name is not baby and I'm not a helpless defenseless being that sucks their mothers teat, thanks.
30. Scene hair/ scene style in general. Bangs covering half your face and guyliner is very stupid looking just so ya know.
31. When girls call each other girl. "hey girl! I miss you girl! oh girl I like your pants!" i have a name and it is not girl.
32. Authors who try to be as original as JD Salinger. Don't even. (I'm looking at you, Joe Meno)
33. Having to apologize for burping.
34. When skinny girls talk about how fat they are.
35. The fact that some of my best friends are hours away and I miss them a lot.
I know Fall Out Boy have about zero street credit, but I don't give a spit (I'm trying to cut back on my cursing. forgive all the corniness). I am so bummed that they broke up. I literally thougth they would stay together forever, despite their differences. You know, like stay together for us lifer fans who have never been afraid to proclaim their love for them despite the fact that the media has morphed them into this teenage trend of a band. And I'm expected to just dispose of my love and loyalty to them because they're not what's cool anymore.
f that in the a hole.
I know it seems silly to be so sad over a band break up, but I literally feel like crying forever. I feel like my best friend from 8th grade that I don't even talk to anymore just died or something. That's a terrible analogy but I can't think of a better one.
When I was 15, Fall Out Boy was my life. I am not even kidding you. I would wake up at 6 in the morning just to see their new music video premiere on MTV (god I can't believe I was that serious). That's all my friends and I would talk about. Fall Out boy this, Fall Out Boy that. I was reading my old journal the other day. It's terrible all the Fall Out Boy references I made. And even terrible that despite how small and subtle they are, I still recognize everyone of them. I wrote an entire entry on my complete devotion to Peter Wents. How I loved him and all (shut up, I was like 14) and how beautiful our wedding was going to be (I said shut up). I was quite the lame if you hadn't picked up on that.
But despite my obsessive attraction to Peter Wentz (I used to think I was cool because I would call him Peter rather than just Pete like everyone else), Fall Out Boy really changed the way I listened to and loved music. They inspired me to dig deeper than the surface of a song. To appreciate more than it's hook or catchy chorus, but to really listen to the song. To listen to the words and feel what whoever wrote it was feeling. To empathize with and to relate to what that person was going through even if you had no idea what it would be like.
I know it sounds so stupid. To be so attached to a band that I really don't even listen to or relate with that much anymore. But the thing is, I did. I once did so much. I was so passionate about Fall Out Boy. I was so sad when they got huge because I knew people wouldn't appreciate them like I did. I knew they would be so quick to bash their music and that Pete Wentz would become uber (I hate that word, but I can't think of one more fitting) famous. I felt like everyone was finding out my secret, that I kept written on a crumpled up piece of paper, securely tucked away into my butt pocket. Maybe it fell out or something.
(digression alert) But when I first started listening to them I honestly thought they would be a band who would stay together until they all died. I honest to God thought that. I promised myself that I would buy every album they ever put out as a tribute to what they once (and still do) meant to me. And even though I didn't technically buy their latest one, I own it and the second I heard it I knew that they were going to eventually break up. [I know all good bands eventually start to suck (i.e. U2, good God they suck now, but they were so great) but I could really feel, like literally FEEL that they didn't have the same vision they used to.] I just didn't expect it for at least another five or six years.
I feel so stupid for feeling this way. Really, I do. I can't help it though and I'm not going to pretend it doesn't hurt me. It sucks, I felt like every line of every song in FUCT was written directly for me. It helped me through a really dark period in my life. That album really did save me from a lot of misery, I'm not even kidding. It really did. I call it my "Fall Out Boy phase", I really do. That 13-16 year old sad little Stephanie that had nothing to relate to and nobody to talk to because everyone in my life at that time was so closed off and hell bent on avoiding my emotions. I felt like they were there for me. I know it's so stupid to feel like that. But their music was there for me when nothing else was.
Who knows, maybe they'll pull a Blink 182, and get back together after 6 years of hating eachother.
I really hope so.
"Crowds are won and lost and won again, but our hearts beat for the diehards..."
Always will be.
I'm so sick of letting what people say about me effect how I live my life. It just hurts when people who are supposed to love you unconditionally feel the need to constantly remind you of what a freak you are. Because apparently how I look also effects how I am inside somehow. And apparently I've morphed into some sort of robot that is void of all human emotions. Yet, I am expected to consider everyone else's feelings. And I do. Because I care about the feelings of people I love.
I would never want anyone I love to feel how I do because of something I said.
I hate blogging about my emotions it's so ~dramatic.
I'm reading The Catcher In The Rye for about the millionth time as sort of my mini little tribute to JD Salinger who died this week. I was so bummed to hear about his passing. I really wish he wrote more.
If you haven't read this book yet, you really should. It's my favorite book in the whole world. It's so hilarious and insightful. I seriously learn something new every time I read it. Team Holden Caulfield 4lyf!@*#^%&(*)
Lately I've been listening to The Avett Brothers a lot. Their new(est) album (I and Love and You)is simply divine, y'all. Their title track makes me bawl like a friggin' baby (but in a good way). You should download it if you find yourself illegally downloading music (cos let's face it, you will.)
I love you like the sun shines.
I'm supposed to not be who I am to appease others.
I'm supposed to adhere to everyone else's idea of what is 'normal'.
I'm supposed to do what everyone else tells me to, because I'm too stupid to make my own decisions.
I'm supposed to care what people think about me, because their opinions truly have an impact on my life.
I'm supposed to be unaccepting and close minded like everyone else, because that's what's moral.
I'm supposed to look like a normal nice little manufactured teenage slut so I can find a "respectable guy". (Because there's nothing respectable about a guy who likes you, even if you look a little different.)
I'm supposed to give a damn if others think I'm a freak.
That's what I'm supposed to do, y'all.
Because purple hair and lip piercings truly define me as a person. Nevermind the fact that I have a big heart and love for all sorts of people.
Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear is a really good album.
You should download it. (because no one buys music anymore)
I decided to get this permanently etched into my skin as a big FU to all of my haters, and a warm welcome to all of those looking for a friend
I refuse to buy into the elitist notion that certain legitimately talented bands aren't worth listening to because of their mainstream success or because of the fact that their lead singer is a female. I feel like music is certainly something that can tell you a lot about a person, but it's not something you should let define you.
I love Paremore. Hayley Williams has one of the greatest voices in music today. I love Fall Out Boy. Fall Out Boy were actually the first band that affected me on a deeply emotional level. It seems trite, but I could relate to every line of each Fall Out Boy song. I felt like Pete Wentz wrote them directly for me. And now that I'm older, I don't relate to them as much, but I can still appreciate the fact that I once did, and that they were a huge influence on the way I listened to and appreciated music.
On female fronted bands:
I recently went to a concert where I saw one of my favorite bands, Eisley, perform. Right before they played, lead singer Sherri was talking about how people weren't very receptive to them because they were girls (well three of them are), and I was actually and literally appauled. Eisley is brilliant (for lack of a better word). They have been around for over 10 years and they are so organic and original (I've thought about it a lot, and these two words are the only two to best describe them). I don't know any other band that blends the qualities of dreaminess and beauty so brilliantly and cleverly. Lines like "I followed a rabbit through rows of mermaid entwined shrubbery...." and "I cut the moon in half and stuck a piece to my hair..." inspire me to think outside of the cliches of everyday boring melodramatic normal existence whilst song writing (I mean whaaaaat....i don't write songs....). And bands like Tegan and Sara, Rilo Kiley, Fleetwood Mac, all with female lady singers are all so brilliant and a huge part of music today. I'm no feminist, I just feel like people don't give girls the cred they deserve. And the fact that most women in the music biz have to flaunt in order to receive any sort of recognition probably doesn't help our cause, but I am most certain that one day this will all change. (hopefully.)
I'm really not sure the specific point I'm trying to make, but I feel it can be best summarized in these words: "be who you are." I know, how cliche. But it's true. Embrace what you love and DontGiveAFlyingspaceball about what others think about it. You shouldn't let someone else's idea of what is right compromise your own taste or idea of what is good.
I believe Max Bemis did calling out these shallow close-minded jerks best in the song "Admit It!!!" :
"Proto-typical non-conformist. You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store gestapo. You adhere to a set of standards and tastes that appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges-BULLSHIT-giving your thumbs up and thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art."
I do just fine, with my car and my guitar.
Have a swell week.
There are only two places in the whole entire world where I don't feel at all lonely. In my room and in my car. My room is my haven, my sanctuary, my refuge, my place of rest and release, the place I feel most creative in. It's the only place that makes me feel safe and befriended. The walls are somewhat sparse and bare, but the little details are what tell little stories and secrets about my life. It sounds stupid, but it all makes sense to me.
My car (whom I've dubbed Pablo Honey....a FANTASTIC Radiohead album) is a place I can be completely ridiculous. I scream the music I'm listening to at the very top of my lungs, I have conversations with myself about things that no one else cares about, and I even have time for intimacy with God.
Enough of that. Here's what's up with my currents.
Current favorite song: Ambulance by Eisley
Current Favorite Band: Miniature Tigers (missy and I call them the tiny tigers to be silly wombats)
current Favorite brand of soap: carress (it smells so heavenly)
current favorite way to procrastinate: facebook chat and googling weird things like "how to eat a pomegranate" and "how to explain get away with stealing a car"
current favorite word: jerk
current favorite thing to do: not my philosophy homework
current favorite drink: iced chai latte
current favorite album: say anything self-titled
current favorite scent: bone daddy/ that christmas pine stuff
current favorite item of clothing: my hello kitty hoodie (!!!!!!) and my black skirt i got for FIVE DOLLARS.
I hope everyone feels lovely.
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